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Apologies

By virtue of being human, each of us are likely to make mistakes. Some make them often, some seldom. At times one realizes their faults and on other occasions, defences win. It is about time and its timings but also of whether the individual involved really wants to see their mistakes and work on it. Let’s explore some dimensions of apologies.

‘I am sorry’: a phrase or a feeling? Ideally, both. In a not-so-ideal world, we encounter people who do not mean their apologies. For them it is a mere phrase to end the topic. Not realizing the importance of a genuine apology leaves them unaware of the power it holds for them, others and the association shared between the people involved. Don’t be surprised if ‘they’ is you. You see how it is not always the other person but one can do mistakes and not realise it? In absence of ill intensions or stubbornness, lack of awareness and acceptance can fog the realization. 

How late is too late? Ta da! No late is too late! Remember a time when you realised a mistake, or pushed it under the carpet for as long as you could. Today, you still are sorry about it and wished you have had apologized then. A quick fact check: You don’t have a time machine. What all possibilities there are, are now and time from now. If you believe and really want to apologize, time cannot stop you. Don’t let the time decide. 

Who deserves your apologies? We aren’t here to play blame game. It can get really nasty. The good news is people can rise above their mistakes and acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes at certain juncture. Question remains is, will you apologise when you did? Getting trapped in an ego battle or being harsh on oneself and ending up feeling guilty are paths that lead to heavy heart. Apologies can be offered to anyone who has been hurt/troubled by our actions. And, they are due. Whether they expect it or not doesn’t change the picture. Have they ever apologized for their own mistakes? That too doesn’t determine their position to have your apology. A mistake made, is what flags green for apology. If I make a mistake, it is my responsibility to own it and to apologies. To mean the sorry that I feel. 

Do you want to apologize? Only you can answer this, for yourself. If you want to apologies and your mind and heart genuinely agrees with you; then you proceed. On most occasions, apologies that we owe create a burden on our heart, because we do not like the fact that we caused pain to a person we adore.

What are apologies? Apologies are ways of resting our weapons when person standing on the other side is not our enemy. Apologies are so humane that we question our own self ‘What made me behave in the manner I did?’ and not having answer to it sometimes. Answers available still aren’t excuses enough to behave in an irrational manner. Apologies can mean different things for different people. I believe change is the biggest apology. Change that is ideal in the given circumstances. However, it starts with acceptance and expressing that “I am sorry, I realized I went wrong when ______________. It makes me concerned about losing you/our bond because of the mistakes I did.” If “I would like to make things right, and this time to not repeat the same mistakes again.” follows, then the apologies have some meaning. It becomes more meaningful when the words sync with actions. The ways and words with which you apologize can differ, but the fact remains unchanged that a lack of apology offered cannot make up for what a genuine apology does. 

What apologies are not? A sorry doesn’t mean you have to beg the other person or force them to forgive. It is not expecting that they will overlook everything. It is not rushing thing. Definitely, they aren’t formalities. A sorry is not an undo button of a PC, but it is a joint in between the thread of past and future. They are not crime. Hence we say ‘I made mistake’ rather than ‘I committed mistake’. 

The why, what, how and when is yours to investigate. What are the limits is an individual decision. What one affords to lose is to each his own. What are your intensions/reasons behind an apology are solely yours to set. What I conclude with is; if a mistake happens, it can follow with an apology. 


Love, J.



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