Letting go...

The universe, in whom I invest my deep faith had its ways of helping me understand that it was finally a time to break away and I had to let go. When we humans are busy existing, living becomes a part of our reality; whether or not we appreciate it by consciously choosing our path, it-becomes-a-part-of-our-reality!

Eventually we are able to zero-in on the fact that we aren’t always bright places that shine brighter and light up the surroundings too. No; because as humane as it is, we make mistakes, we learn from our mistakes and mistakes of others alike. In-between glorified version of ourselves- to- the messed up one, life happens and we learn to believe its happenings. 

To come across people who share our interest and in whom we find ourselves interested is already accepted. Mutual interest? That too! Long lasting mutual interest? Aha, sounds great! Commitment? Greater! However what you and I do not accept easily is the possibility of things going south. Mere knowledge doesn’t always allow us to accept that I can face this situation too. Having seen the shades of bond becoming stronger, it is not easy to see it fade, to see your color being taken away or to being compelled to have yours withdrawn. 

For everything that heads south, there are two broad options: first, you make it right OR second, you let it go. It often is a ride from first to second. You will take that ride again and again until you are finally ready to let go, in its real essence. I did. 

Imagine being attached to someone and you begin considering them as one of the important personalities in your life. Building trust takes years and to see it degrade takes a really heavy toll on one’s state of being. Degrading trust can be viewed from various angles: ‘a broken trust’ phrase in the widely used manner, having let down because of their failure to put efforts, breaking by not being genuine, no exchange of words, not letting other person know that one doesn’t feel the same anymore, not caring, not confronting, not addressing, not acknowledging, not being what one was before- being real and being present. Might come as a aha moment, but seeing things rationally, observing behavior, seeing how their words do not match their actions…isn’t the same as complaining. We can call it being smart! 

Mind you; loving-unloving gets no offence. We fall in love with the version of them that syncs with ours. Just like anything in the world changes; you, your lover, and the love you shared can, too. Change makes us either stronger and helps us in holding each other tight and tighter with challenges that arise OR it helps us in understanding whether or not we are ready to strive for the same. There is, however a phase in between both these poles; when you try and try more, keep yourself a little aside, try best you could in the given circumstances… more try, until you cannot anymore. 

Deep within before the ‘break away’ point, your heart knows that things aren’t the way they were and they won’t be. Either you resist or accept the change. To be honest, accepting reality always turns out to be a wiser choice. Again, only when you are ready. Really ready, to let go. 

I believe it is VERY important to recognise that just because of changed entities, changed status, changed vibes; what existed prior doesn’t change. You are still allowed to cherish the memories you made and own your mistakes. You get to acknowledge that you valued what was, but not crave for it or ruminate for what didn’t go well. It is so essential to understand that a different, not so likable current state of affairs gets no power to invalidate what made you happy then. In an emotionally charged state, don’t insult what you have been cherishing. I can empathize on this level; where I had to consciously, with efforts refrain myself from letting my anger, frustration and hurt, hurt a person I was affectionate towards. I ain’t less proud I successfully could. 

Affections, love, bond takes up a considerable amount of space in our heart. Yes, it’s the person with whom we share these aspects. The opposite, hate is itself a heavy word. Often misguides us. Hate is indeed a real emotion BUT as far as I have understood it; it is not possible to hate someone you loved. And so, irrespective of whether you have been abandoned or you left, hate need not be your reaction to the change. Like, it is not mandatory to, so don’t push yourself harder to start hating someone you do not/cannot hate. 

A reality check there: it is not wrong to leave when you do not feel loved, appreciated and see the absence of efforts coming in mutually. (You and I too went wrong somewhere, no doubt but what differs is rectifying mistakes by not repeating them. Staying true to one’s words!)  In times like these, leave if the picture remains consistent and their toxic behavior or your unhealthy pattern of behavior keeps recurring. People aren’t bad, but not everyone goes well with every person they meet. At times we meet the good person who we mistake as the right one. However, right person exists. It is a matter of knowing who is; and you will know, trust the voice within.

Eventually, we learn to let go, until it becomes ingrained in our veins. ‘The art of letting go’ as I prefer calling it. To love someone, to break away and to not hate; surely takes energy and efforts, of which some people are capable, compelled and some who deserve by the virtue of their actions. 

Letting go, is a continuous process. Trust the signs and believe in the process. It will teach you to let go. One often shifts between wanting to stay, staying, leaving, wanting to go back, resisting and learning to ride the waves until finding the calm of the deep sea. 

Love, J.